


a safe place to land

by calvinahobbes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Era (Phandom), Chaotic Dan, Discussion of Unsafe Sex, M/M, Supportive Phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 10:24:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19271338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calvinahobbes/pseuds/calvinahobbes
Summary: "Please tell me you didn't go home with a stranger." He types it and sends it, even though he knows this is not the response Dan is waiting for. (Dan and Phil being Internet friends in July 2009.)





	a safe place to land

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, ahappyphil, for research assistance and beta. I appreciate you so much!
> 
> I used the actual chat codes for the old MSN emoticons. You can get a general sense of what they looked like [here](http://www.smailikai.com/m/english.php?lt=msn_emoticons), although it's worth noting that they were actually animated gifs.

There's a boy Phil knows on the Internet. Well, Phil knows many boys on the Internet by now. But this one has been flitting in and out of his twitter timeline and commenting incessantly on his YouTube videos for months now, and Phil can't say he doesn't enjoy the attention. Dan is quite flirty, and Phil will probably never not enjoy a good Internet flirt. They've been Facebook friends since June, which is when Phil discovered that Dan is not only flirty but also extremely cute. 

But besides that Dan is also just fun to chat with. By now they have a pretty good rapport on MSN, shooting jokes and life updates back and forth. Dan is someone who genuinely enjoys talking to Phil, it seems, and Phil genuinely enjoys talking to Dan.

It's not just Muse and YouTube they talk about, though. In fact, one of the things Phil is beginning to appreciate the most is them sharing stories of their lives IRL. And it seems that Dan appreciates being able to share as well, perhaps even needs it a bit more than Phil. Dan isn't really out to his mates, or none of them really want to talk to him about it, so Phil has become the person Dan talks to about liking boys as well as girls.

Phil talks to his friends about dating and drunken hookups quite freely, but before Dan he's not really been used to writing about it online. And if there's sometimes a sting of something when Dan talks about hooking up with specific people… that's just because Phil is already nostalgic for his own misspent youth. He can see that coming to a stop soon; graduation and being permanently stuck in Rawtenstall lurking in the too near future.

Sometimes the things Dan says scare him a little bit. The jokes he makes about his family, or his mates at school, worry Phil. He still hasn't quite been able to figure out how serious Dan is being about them, but he's not quite sure how to ask or even what to do if just half the things Dan has told him turn out to be true.

They're chatting for the first time in a couple of weeks now. Dan is regaling him with stories of his holiday exploits in Cyprus where he went with some friends, but Phil finds himself frowning at the things he's telling. 

**danisnotonfire** _\- been there done that messed around_ says:  
so anyway  
i was dead drunk and i couldnt find my mates  
and so i was just going around  
asking random people if they had seen a bunch of british boys  
only no one had  
which is not surprising since  
it turned out they had already left for another bar :D  
:O :| :P :P :D :D :D :)

The series of quirky laughing emoticons don’t make Phil smile.

 **AmazingPhil** _\- now in a secret location ({) (p) (@)_ says:  
Your mates left you drunk in a bar  
In a foreign country  
And didn't tell you where they'd gone?  
Dan, that doesn't sound very safe! :S

Dan still seems to be laughing.

 **danisnotonfire** _\- been there done that messed around_ says:  
shush!  
i'm not done with my story yet  
my mates being shitty isnt the point!  
so this one guy i asked was all like  
i can be your friend ;)  
and i was like  
ooh ^o) i'm very friendly myself ackshully ;) ;)  
and then he invited me home with him…  
:O

Phil really wants to be able to see what Dan is seeing: a funny, exciting story about a holiday hookup. But his heart is beating weirdly fast and there's a tightness in his throat. It takes him a little while to identify the feeling as worry.

 **AmazingPhil** _\- now in a secret location ({) (p) (@)_ says:  
Please tell me you didn't go home with a stranger.

He types it and sends it, even though he knows this is not the response Dan is waiting for.

 **danisnotonfire** _\- been there done that messed around_ says:  
what?  
:D  
i thought you'd enjoy my story time with dan  
:$  
um yeah i did :)  
he lived right near by the club  
i totally knew where i was the whole time

There’s a pause, but while Phil is trying to think of something to say, Dan seems to be starting to feel awkward.

 **danisnotonfire** _\- been there done that messed around_ says:  
anyway  
we did that thing i haven’t done  
i just thought it was cool  
and i wanted to tell someone :$  
:$ (a) (6) :)

Phil reads and re-reads those words, heart working overtime and a strange sensation clenching his stomach. Finally he types:

 **AmazingPhil** _\- now in a secret location ({) (p) (@)_ says:  
You can tell me

He knows Dan doesn't really have anyone to talk to. He can't imagine what it would be like to try all these (big, scary) things for the first time and not have friends to talk to about them. 

**AmazingPhil** _\- now in a secret location ({) (p) (@)_ says:  
And I’m glad you had fun :)  
I hope you had fun?

There's another pause before Dan replies. Not for the first time Phil wishes there was a way to know whether Dan is actually hesitating or just distracted by something else.

 **danisnotonfire** _\- been there done that messed around_ says:  
i did :)  
he was super sexy and cool :P

Phil can't quite catch the tone in those words. Is Dan just holding back because he's sensing Phil's disapproval, or is he not as enthusiastic as he wants to pretend? He debates over whether to type his next question, but he finds he cares too much about this boy on the Internet to let it go.

 **AmazingPhil** _\- now in a secret location ({) (p) (@)_ says:  
Was it good then?  
Some people don’t like it, you know.  
That's fine too

Dan’s response is immediate.

 **danisnotonfire** _\- been there done that messed around_ says:  
i definitely liked it  
but perhaps i was a bit too drunk :O  
things got a bit awkward a couple of times :$  
i didn't really want him to know i hadnt tried it before  
but i think he kind of knew

 **AmazingPhil** _\- now in a secret location ({) (p) (@)_ says:  
Were you safe? 

Phil hates himself as he hits send, fingers shaking a little.

 **danisnotonfire** _\- been there done that messed around_ says:  
:D :P :O :| :D (L) :P  
yes, mum ;)

Phil is trying to compose a response when suddenly there's more.

 **danisnotonfire** _\- been there done that messed around_ says:  
thats actually why things got a bit awkward :|  
he was all  
i dont do that it's better without

For a moment Phil sees himself storming into a dimly lit room and pushing some swarthy guy away from a vaguely nude Dan. It's just a flash and then it's gone. 

**AmazingPhil** _\- now in a secret location ({) (p) (@)_ says:  
What did you say?

 **danisnotonfire** _\- been there done that messed around_ says:  
i told him no glove no love  
:D

Emoticons have never before annoyed Phil but right now he never wants to see another smiling one in his life.

 **danisnotonfire** _\- been there done that messed around_ says:  
i was quite relieved he went along with it  
cuz im not actually sure i would have left :O

Phil frowns, a heavy sensation settling in his stomach.

 **AmazingPhil** _\- now in a secret location ({) (p) (@)_ says:  
Dan.  
You can't say that  
You can't even think that :(  
You have to take care of yourself :(

 **danisnotonfire** _\- been there done that messed around_ says:  
:(  
i know  
its just hard to remember all the time  
especially when ur drunk  
especially especially when ur mates thought u were too boring to party with and left u  
especially especially especially when some hot guy wants to bang  
annnddddd now the word especially has lost all meaning :P :D 

**AmazingPhil** _\- now in a secret location ({) (p) (@)_ says:  
I still can't believe your friends would just ditch you like that.  
Especially on holiday in a strange country.

 **danisnotonfire** _\- been there done that messed around_ says:  
LOL  
especially  
:P

He ignores Dan's response, determined to wait him out for a real answer. It takes a few minutes before Dan replies in that self-deprecating way he has:

 **danisnotonfire** _\- been there done that messed around_ says:  
eh  
they're not my friends  
just some mates from school  
im just happy they let me tag along 8-|  
the hotel room was dead cheap with five of us to pay for it :O  
and i got to "see the world" a bit ;)  
if u kno waht i mean ;) ;)

Phil does indeed know what he means, and he confirms this fact. He also understands Dan’s excitement and longing for something that can validate his thoughts and feelings and desires. Phil has been where Dan is now - although, he's coming to realize, in a much less frenzied and chaotic way than Dan. Phil is the first among his friends to admit that he's a horny bastard, but he's never felt any rush to try everything or do everything as quickly as possible the way Dan seems to. For Phil things have just always seemed to develop naturally, without him chasing anything.

Their conversation has moved on, to other nights and the other slightly less daunting exploits Dan has been up to. Phil feels calmer, less haunted by second-hand social anxiety now that he is no longer forced to think about all the things that could have gone horribly wrong just because Dan was too young and stupid while wanting to get his rocks off.

He finds himself clicking onto Facebook and going into Dan's tagged photos, staring at the newly added ones of his flushed cheeks and glassy eyes in a crowded Mediterrenean club. 

Phil only knows Dan on the Internet, but a small part of him can't help wishing he knew him in real life. Phil could take him out. Dan could meet Phil's friends and realize what it's like to have people to go clubbing with who actually watch your back (and tease you when you rejoin them after hooking up with someone in a dark corner). But Phil doesn't know Dan in real life, he only knows him on the Internet, and all he can do right now is read his chat messages and reply to them and hope that things will get easier for Dan in the future.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from "Honest Man" by Ben Platt, kindly brought to my attention by intoapuddle.
> 
> Dan's "personal message" in his chat name is from La Roux's "Bulletproof", which was on the British dance charts in summer 2009. 
> 
> Phil's personal message is just a reference to HAYFEVER SUCKS!, which he put out on July 12 (spoiler alert: the secret location was Rawtenstall where he went on July 7. Dan tweeted he was home from Cyprus on July 8).
> 
> Thank you for reading. [Reblog on tumblr.](https://calvinahobbes.tumblr.com/post/185701456145)


End file.
